every day gets better
and to understand what better really is, well i never knew 'till now

What are they gonna do, fire me?!
Brown pants, green sweater, nothing according to dress code
Called to complain, to the district manager, about the chairs...
and finally someone (me) was honest with the guy.

On another note,
In a frantic hurry yesterday I pulled out a bunch of CDs to exchange with the ones in my car. Found a handful of old sound tracks to old memories, and yet, still awkwardly fresh wounds.
"And the price of a memory, is the memory of the sorrow it brings" -cc.
I have talked with my love many a times about people in our past. Still read blogs, still wonder about their lives. When one invests in someone, and it ends in a loss... it's hard to let go of the 'idea' of who they are, or thought they were. Even when there is no desire for a friendship anymore, there's still ... open arms? Hoping to see the change?

Lots of learning to do
I am choosing now, to let the worry go
(a lot of that's for Loren)
But most of all, it's for me


There's a lot to be said about growing up.

How's this for exciting...

I'm going to be saying goodbye to Knollwood Mall!
See, I went to school, got my degree, and just got employed.
Day-time hours (8-4.30) benefits (standard) and no uniform dress (sweatshirt and jeans, baby!)

I love my life.

I am gonna be a Full Time Designer. And I'm gonna be good at it, too.

"Every great achievement is the victory of a flaming heart."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

wish grandma were here to see what i am designing now
a tattoo in celebration of her

it's been almost two years now, since she left
and i still cry at the thought of her being gone

so a pinecone, like the ones she (always) collected
on my foot (where i have a, ahem, better understanding)

it was a lot of grandma that made me the tree i am today
and together, we felt the breeze and swayed as branches
today i am thrilled to carry on her memory, and perhaps, legacy

out of body
inside mind

i gave advice once given to me
stired up those doubts, kept it all awake
three pages later- a resolution
and i think it's cute

i sat at the top of the stairs in a bathrobe he bought me for my birthday
twiddling something he bought me on vacation
and watching him, everything him, climb the steps
that's when it all makes sense
guess you have to love someone like that first, to understand

been outside my body today, looking in. feeling far away and.. deep in thought. turning twenty wont be as glorious as i imagined at a younger self. but i will still turn, and be changed.
these are the kinds of days i like to write
glazed over and sensitive to sound
making no sense feels better